He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
