Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
