Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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