Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
