I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
