I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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