he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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