i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
