I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
