if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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