your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I intend to get homeless drunk
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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