9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
