Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
