you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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