I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
