shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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