they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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