thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
