i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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