I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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