He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
