I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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