3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
