i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
