BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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