Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
