Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
