The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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