dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
