I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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