And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think i got beer on your cat.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
