I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
