I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
