I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
