So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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