So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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