we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
