You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
