I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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