imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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