and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
