I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
