You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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