Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
