You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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