Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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