ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
