just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
