Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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