My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
