Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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