I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
