APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
