I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
