no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
