Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
