Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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