yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize