Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
