How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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