I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
