So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
