as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
