I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
