good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
