the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
