After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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