You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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