It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
