i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We are two peas in an std pod
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
