it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
