Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
