Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I will pee on everything he values.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
