Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
