Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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