I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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