I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
