i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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