I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
