you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
