im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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