Already got asked if we're dating
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize