So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
