so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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