He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
