I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
