I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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