Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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