Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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