just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
