apparently the secret to your success is patron
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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