nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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