There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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