He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize