Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
