When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
