Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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