I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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