Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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