I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
