omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
