first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
