i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
