D3 body, D1 cock
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
