I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
