When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
