Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
