Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
