Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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