Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
