The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
