I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
