My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
