you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
