Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
