I'm sorry my penis didn't work
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What drink are we having for lunch?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
