So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize